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Friendship is a lie!
How much the concept of “friendship” has swam in the modern world. My godfather used to say that all my friends were nothing more than “buddies”. I didn't really believe him until the most recent events.
Yesterday you were playing multiplayer games with them nicely, and today you're an alcoholic to them. Yesterday you celebrated her birthday with her, and today you're an asshole and an abuser to her. Yesterday you were drinking with them in a bar, and today you are “died” for his because of your strange, but at the same time safe and harmless actions.
It's hard to realize that the environment you've been in and trying to fully fit in for 10 years is mixing you with shit just because you seem like a weirdo to them. I happened to be in a difficult time period where I stopped realizing who I could trust and who I couldn't. Time spent alone put everything in its place - those who wanted to - tried to support and help somehow. Suddenly among them were those whom I didn't consider to be full-fledged friends - because of their very different interests I didn't communicate with them much, but they were glad to come to my aid and didn't leave me alone. What can't be said about those I did consider friends....
Literally in an instant I turned from a good friend to something bad for them, and someone playing with my reputation in the fandom on the contrary quickly got to my level, and then as if on purpose lowered me with his actions to his previous level.
No one in my situation meant any harm, but everyone in my past circle contributed to what happened. One of them still can't turn off the “crown” mode and behaves towards me as if I should be under him. The second knowing perfectly well the conflict situations with the first and knowing my reaction to it even did not try to do anything contacting (not on purpose) me with him, thereby provoking my discontent. The third penetrating into my environment through my own authority let a rumor that one of my confidantes says something about me behind the wall, thus provoking a conflict situation, after which the person really started to have something against me. The fourth without understanding the situation will simply forbid you to communicate with her. The fifth, sassing the situation with the third and fourth will say that you are “not alone”, and then will forget about you for the next month (it's actually been three months. I guess...). The sixth perfectly understanding all the pain that I had to endure called me “alcoholic” (in badly variation - between "alcoholic" and "alkash" great divide), before this hate my project without to touch it (wtf it's even not in alpha test, thanks for the killed motivation) (to be fair, the man for the “alcoholic” still apologized, but the residue is still there). Having forgiven the third for no reason, she will once again trample you into the mud by starting to write bullshit and accuse you of the same, although she herself is perfectly guilty of it.
And now the question - what else did you expect, if each of you contributed your small share in impaired my mental health? Why are you stalking me, but none of you will come to me in a DM, will not ask my condition and will not say a word of support. Only using anonymous mask you will read the blog and inquire about me through my own fucking work colleague. What's the problem with calling me for a walk or at least just calling me in a forbidden-cord (mean Discord in Russia), just to show that you care? Why is it that even my ex, with whom we broke up on the dirty note of “I hope you die” writes me words of support, and you're fucking stalking me and then telling others that I did actions that I didn't in fact do, but you assumed it.
Yes, I've lost my mind. Yes, I've erased dialogs and deleted some people from my friends list (Steam/Discord). Yeah, it's not normal and I've done fucked up things. But what good are you guys? You fucked it up for the other people I was still in touch with, so that they'd already done the same fucking thing to me, further ruining fucking Jenga....
Friendship is not Jenga that falls down if you do one wrong thing. Friendship is about being able to forgive and be supportive no matter the offense. If you have the desire to communicate with a person - they can be forgiven. Everyone is different and conflicts can be resolved. Why-so then bury a person, and then come to his grave and fuck in it further?
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Another one of my favorite topics is “Go see a psychologist.”
Every problem, it's “Go see a psychologist” solution. What am I supposed to go to a shrink for? How many times I didn't ask for a portrait of myself - everyone fucking blurted out something short like “You're impulsive”. I go to a psychologist, I say “I am impulsive”, in the end the psychologist starts asking leading questions and we come to the fact that “It's not me who is impulsive, but I am brought to an impulsive state”. In the end, what is not a visit to the psychologist - then the fuck knows what. I personally can not come to a decision in this regard and everything comes down to the fact that I am normal.
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More than once I have heard the idea that “I have only my point of view”. It may be true, but for some reason such statements come from people with exactly the same problem (they have only their point of view).
Another point is that even in this case the truth in 2/3 of cases is on my side (in the past it was solved by the principle “we'll do it your way, then we'll redo it the my fucking way”, but now it's done through the involvement of a third person). Does that make me directly to the right? Nope - I could be wrong too, but for the most part I know what I'm doing. If you "don't play tug-of-war", don't hang the “crown” on yourself claiming that your decision is more correct, and constructively explain why your option is better (to be honest, I was the one who hung the "crown" on myself a couple of times) - there would be fewer such problems.
And yes, the above only applies to the industries I'm boiling in. If I'm talking about things I'm not good at, then yeah - my bad
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